Last update: June 26, 2015
There are three characteristics that define loneliness:
- It is a subjective experience, because you can feel it even when you are in a group;
- It is the result of one or more insufficient social relationships;
- It is unpleasant and produces distress or depression.
With rare exceptions, loneliness is not something you want, as is sadness. It is distinct from social isolation, because the person does not want to be explicitly alone: ​​he is simply not comfortable with his friends and companions, because he considers them superficial, empty or not very trustworthy. We can therefore say that loneliness has to do with both the social and the emotional sphere; according to experts, moreover, this condition is also linked to the inability of people to express their opinions or their feelings.
If the skills to relate to others are insufficient, there are more chances of being alone, because relationships turn out to be devoid of empathy and cheerfulness. Those suffering from neurosis do not appear very kind or admirable, because they reject potential friends of all kinds to protect themselves from possible rejection.
The most frequent definition of "loneliness" is "lack of company" and is linked to states of lack of affection, sadness and negativity. However, this definition does not consider the benefits that occasional and deliberate loneliness can bring. The typical phrase "I need to be alone" is useful for thinking, for understanding certain things, for resting, for clearing the mind, etc.
The opposite situation is when, for example, a loved one is lost: a presence disappears from our life and leaves in its place a great void, not easy to fill. Sadness, despair and other similar feelings take little time to make their effects felt: they make us feel lost, without points of reference to move forward. This is what is called "unwanted loneliness," which causes a lot of pain and is one of the most complicated circumstances to deal with.
Since we are "social animals", we need others to be able to feel good. This does not mean that we are with others only to satisfy our needs: being together also helps the development of the other person, helps to increase self-esteem, improve empathy and correct attitudes to assume, etc.
The loss of a loved one (and the consequent loneliness) is something irreplaceable, but not irreparable: that hole will remain so until we allow ourselves to fill it. How? If we trust ourselves, we will gain enough strength to establish new relationships. This does not mean that the process will end overnight, but that it will happen sooner or later. We must ensure that the lack of the missing person does not become a social or general problem, that is, addressed to all the other beings of this earth.
It is undoubtedly a painful loneliness, but we have the ability to convert it into something positive if we interpret it or see it as an opportunity to learn to live differently. We must internalize and control that feeling so deep and irrational, learning not to fear it so much and not to see it as a weakness. On the contrary, it must be taken as a chance to fortify ourselves.
What is social loneliness?
A person suffering from social loneliness hardly talks to anyone or does it only with certain family members. This is an increasingly common condition in cities: we hardly even know who lives in the house next to ours. If we add to this the fact that people rarely meet in person, because they send messages through their mobile phones, e-mails or communicate via social networks, we notice that the situation is even worse.
Daily obligations, busy working days, stress and crises are other allies of the social loneliness we suffer from today. Relationships are no longer the same when people could be trusted; now people's only concern is to have a personal account. We are changing our nature and ceasing to be social animals to become technological beings or machines.
How to fight unwanted loneliness
These simple steps will help you to put aside the sadness and pain that are gripping you:
- Diagnose the problem: what kind of loneliness are you suffering from? What is it due to? It is essential that you are as objective as possible on this point.
- Get to know each other: eliminate the fear that prevents you from looking within yourself, face the need to be as you are, discover your desires, your limitations, your fears, etc.
- Say goodbye to shyness: Take the initiative in your relationships or create new ones. Decide what kind of people you are interested in and develop a strategy for connecting with them.
- Remember that you have nothing to lose: indeed, you can earn a lot. Fear of rejection is one of the biggest obstacles to this problem, both in getting a partner and a friend.
- Don't be victims: the world is full of bad, cruel, materialistic or superficial people, but surely there are just as many people full of virtues.
- Don't lock yourself in the house: if you suffer from social loneliness, but you continue to stay at home in front of the computer, the situation will not be able to change.
