Last update: 19 September, 2018
It has happened to all of us, sometimes, to feel discomfort after a few years for the behavior and habits of our partner. Placing your feet on the table, being too ironic ... But if we look back, we already knew that it was so. Yet all of this went unnoticed. The reason is that we often don't love a person, but an illusion.
The falling in love phase can cause serious damage. It makes us blind and clouds our mind to the point of dreaming of being able to do any madness for the other person. Someone we see perfect. But what we don't realize is that all of this isn't real. This perfection exists only in our thoughts. Reality is adulterated by our emotions, expectations and illusions. It is not such and such as we see it.
Does falling in love make us love a person or an illusion?
Love a person or an illusion
When we believe that a person has changed over time, what we should ask ourselves is whether we have always seen them as they were.. The most likely answer will be "no". At the beginning of a relationship, we create an image that makes us perceive unrivaled beauty, perfection and wonder.
Of course, nothing is perfect, we should accept that. However, the image we create in our mind of the other person, the result of a deep falling in love, becomes part of our reality in this lapse of time. So we end up believing our own lie, ignoring any habits that we don't like or annoy us. In fact, this is one of the reasons many people end up in harmful relationships.
“Better to be free. Better to be alone and go out and walk on nothing, than to keep clinging to false illusions and then wake up to a bunch of broken dreams ... "
-Edwin Vergara-
The story of Giovanni
Giovanni was very confused and fed up. He doubted whether to continue the relationship or cut the relationship altogether. Suddenly it seemed that she didn't like anything about his partner. His complaints, her obsessions ... Everything made him angry. He wanted to look at the situation from another perspective to see what had actually happened, but he wasn't capable of it.
For Giovanni, at first it all seemed wonderful. He saw his partner as a beautiful, perfect, responsible and very good being. However, with time and without knowing why, everything had changed. The person he had fallen in love with had bad days that were unbearable for Giovanni. Mood swings, absurd complaints.
Giovanni's partner did not live the relationship well or did not know how to manage certain dynamics, for example the stress of work. When Giovanni talked to his friends about the situation he seemed to be referring to two totally different people. So much so that, in reality, they didn't even exist. They weren't real.
He did not see his partner as she was, he never did. At first, the illusion of relationship had led him to see a perfect being. His feelings had prevented him from noticing any flaws. Even now, however, he did not see her as she really was. Her emotions prevented him again. John had never known who he really was with.
"Being in love with an illusion prevents you from seeing the other person as they are".
Learn to see others
Learning to see others as they are is difficult, but not impossible. We don't have as many expectations on a friend as we do on a mate, do we? The same happens with brothers, if we have them. We see these people as they are, with their lights and shadows.
However, when we start a relationship with another person at first we only see the lights. Over time, however, we only focus on the shadows. This creates confusion and gives the relationship dramatic implications.
The important thing is to be aware that, when we fall in love, the image of the partner distorts towards perfection. Knowing that this happens and taking it into consideration opens the door to the other reality, one in which the person is a set of lights and shadows.
It is equally important to consider that just as the other has attitudes and behaviors that enchant us, he will have others that we will not fully share.
Not loving a person, but an illusion, must not generate a sense of guilt. Many of the beliefs about romantic love state that this is the case, but when we realize it, we can do something to change it. Has this ever happened to you?
