Last update: Augusts 07, 2018
Even if you often have to face "battles", love is not a war. Despite the misunderstandings, one should not see the other as an enemy. The other can be ourselves when we blame ourselves for making a serious mistake, but it can also be the person with whom we share the bed, who gradually takes away all the space forcing us to sleep in a corner and steals our blankets. with which we try to shelter from the cold.
An icy quarrel, but which arises from complicity, generated by the sharing of dreams and hopes. But also nightmares, suffering and mistakes. Because without sharing there can be no complicity. A complicity that admits battles, but not wars.
'While battles often have to be fought, love is not a war. Despite the misunderstandings, one should not see the other as an enemy.
Love is not a war: the road to empathy
Only a few weapons are allowed in love battles. Tickling and caressing are a constant, however it is better not to "draw out" the grudge. These are battles in which one forgives and forgets. She unsubscribes to write new stories. And if that's not enough, reason is brought up, despite being aware that it is a double-edged sword, almost never the best. In love, true victory is to avoid hurting the other. And so, having reached the final move, the logic retreats quietly.
Being able to count on the other person is important, even if many times we have the impression that they do not understand us and we feel victims of a sort of tower of babel. This happens not only with our partner, but also with our parents, friends or children. As hard as we try to be empathetic, it is impossible to agree on everything.
Others can't, but neither can we. Although sometimes we try so hard that we believe we have succeeded. Making a huge effort does not guarantee us a good result. Thinking you have succeeded is a mirage comparable to seeing water gushing out of the desert dunes.
When we do not succeed, or rather, when we do not succeed 100% (or our partner does not succeed completely) there is no need to blame ourselves. The effort made affects the result, allows us to see clearly all the opportunities, makes us understand the value of honesty, but rarely leads us to the desired result.
But how many battles (which risk turning into real wars) arise from the belief that others do not try to understand us? We tend to forget all the times when they have understood us perfectly. Sometimes it is precisely that red pen, which we use to mark mistakes, to sign our sentence. And this is how brick after brick rises that obstacle that will become insurmountable. And it is then that communication is interrupted and love is lost in the routine like a sugar cube in a cup of coffee. Slowly, but irreversibly.
“Being misunderstood by those we love is the bitter cup, the cross of our life. Therefore superior men have on their lips that painful and sad smile that so amazes us. "
-HF Amiel-
War wounds are deep, very often fatal
Trying to recover love after declaring war is a difficult mission. The other turns into our enemy, who must be dominated and defeated. At this point, many believe that it is enough to lay down your weapons to fix things, but this is not the case.
There will probably be nothing more to be done. The soil was fertile before, now barren and vulnerable. Everything is inevitably different, because no one would continue to play with those who set a trap for them; no one wants a person next to him who reminds him of the worst part of himself.
Ultimately, this breakup is simply the consequence of a blind shot after threatening with a grudge-laden gun. For having forgotten that even the most solid of bonds does not stop being delicate, sometimes even fragile. Strong, but not indestructible.
Because when a couple declares war to each other, love breaks, wears out and turns into a glowing, sharp bullet, capable of shredding us to shreds. This is why we must try not to shoot first and make war declarations waste paper. Then we will be free to decide whether to continue constructively or end the relationship without destroying each other, because otherwise we would find ourselves drowning in our own pain.
