Sometimes words are superfluous. When someone opens their heart to us and tells us something important, saying nothing may be the best choice.
Last update: December 10, 2018
Sometimes words are superfluous. When someone opens her heart to us and tells us something important to him / her, saying nothing may be the best choice (as well as indicating that we have listened to it). Let his pauses and her breath enhance the atmosphere of the story. In these cases, our silence can comfort much more than a useless and empty observation.
Why can a look, a gesture, a grimace or a caress envelop us more than a "I support you", "I'm here" or "Count on me"? The latter are not empty or banal phrases, because they are loaded with great emotional significance. They are therefore not easily replaceable with non-verbal language. So, when, is saying nothing the best way to support each other?
Saying nothing can be a way to emotionally support the other person.
Forced words highlight the value of silence
Traditionally, sound has always been associated with some extraordinary event: the cry of a child, the siren of an ambulance, the roar of a lion, a cry of pain… These are all warning signs that put us on alert. It seems reasonable to think that sound alerts our brain and puts us in a state of alarm.
On the other hand, the blossoming flowers, the psycho-evolutionary development of people and many creative practices usually take place in the most absolute discretion. This is why when words add nothing, when there is nothing to say that is better than silence, it is preferable to be silent.
Do not break the silence unless it is to improve it
-Ludwig van Beethoven-
Trying to fill the stillness with neutral and empty comments does not help at all to alleviate the discomfort of a silence, quite the opposite.. It can also contribute to boredom. Furthermore, it is prudent to keep your mouth shut when you suspect that our contribution may be counterproductive.
When someone asks us an uncomfortable question, saying nothing can be an eloquent answer. Especially if it is negative. Because often silences speak louder than words. And indeed, certain silences say it all.
Listening is already a help
It will have happened to you, too, sometimes, to have felt the need to go home and "drop" all the weight of the day. The only thing you want in that moment is for someone to pay attention to you and just listen to you. Whether he understands your pain, your frustration, or your discomfort. Look no further than to let off steam and free yourself from sorrow.
In such cases, it is enough to be contradicted for nonsense to argue with the other person. Because you don't need an opinion or a comparison about what happened to you during the day, you simply seek comfort and support, to feel that you are not alone in the face of adversity. It is in these moments that silence is more appreciated than a word.
"The right word can be effective, but no word will ever be as effective as a pause at the right time."
-Mark Twain-
The fear of saying nothing
In a conversation, the absence of fluid dialogue can make us feel uncomfortable. This tension generates doubts, leading us to ask ourselves what the other will think: is he okay? Is there any problem? Maybe he doesn't want to talk to me? There is the fear of the absence of sound, because silence leaves us alone in front of our conscience.
In order for it not to be disturbing, you have to learn to appreciate it. Knowing that by looking within we can get to know ourselves better. Being silent or saying nothing does not mean ceasing to exist, to think or to live. In fact, this silence - if well managed - facilitates the encounter with one's ego and dialogue in silence.
"It is true friendship when the silence between two people seems even pleasant."
-Erasmus of Rotterdam-
Absolute prudence in a discussion
A disagreement, followed by a prolonged silence, can generate a really tense atmosphere. If we appreciate and respect each other, and have enough self-control to do so, it is convenient to keep quiet before sharing our point of view and engaging in useless discussion. After all, we already know on what occasions and with which people it is advisable to adopt this position.
We refer to those situations of no real importance, and to those people with a particular inclination to argue and criticize by taking things too personally. In these cases, silence can make it veiled that we disagree with the other person without necessarily starting an argument. And in the same way we free ourselves from the slavery of the word without responding to provocations.
While we tend to consider a good relationship based on conversation and emotional openness to be a good friendship, it would also be good to stop and reflect on the moments when all of this doesn't happen. That is, those in which the time and space of the other are respected. In which everyone is allowed to enjoy their moments of reflection and calm.
Silence is the best response to anger.
