Last update: 26 November 2015
"I don't want to tolerate you, but to love you and respect your essence"
(Walter Laughs)
In our life we ​​love and love many people (partners, friends, relatives), but do we know the difference between loving and loving?
The words "to love" imply a certain degree of possession and attachment. The word love, on the other hand, represents a freer feeling.
American philosopher, writer and entrepreneur Paul Hudson wrote a column in the Elite Daily in which he explained 10 differences between being in love and loving a person. Hudson argues that:
"Being in love means wanting to be the master of a part of the other person. It is the belief that this person is so wonderful that we want her to be a part of our life, that she is a part of us. When we fall in love with a person, we feel the strong urge to consume them in any way possible ”.
A healthy love
Walter Riso, an Argentine psychologist, explains that for a love to be healthy, three aspects of this feeling must coexist:
- Eros. Passionate love, sexual desire, falling in love. It is the selfish aspect of love, the one that wants to possess the other person. It is incomplete love, something is missing. It is love defined by Plato.
- Philia. And friendship as a couple. The important thing is reciprocity, being happy together, having fun, having trust. While Eros shrinks over time, Philia strengthens, grows stronger over the years.
- Agape: It is selfless love, the love that makes us understand when the other is sick or when he is happy.
This means that there is not just one love as a couple, but there is three types that must coexist: Eros, Philia and Agape. The lack of one of these implies incomplete love, a love that will not make partners fern because they are missing something.
Loving is learning
In life, they teach us to memorize, to be productive professionals, but they don't teach us something fundamental: to manage our emotions, to love.
"Love is lack of selfishness"
(Erich Fromm)
Borja Vilaseca, writer, speaker and entrepreneur, argues that everything starts with knowledge, then comes understanding and, thus, it is possible to accept in order to then be able to love.
Our worst enemies of learning to love I'm:
- The ego. The excessive and immoderate love that a person feels for himself. The ego prevents learning because the person thinks he knows everything. She feels superior and cannot love others.
The ego can manifest itself in many ways: anger when we fail to get what we want, control over others, pride in believing ourselves superior and hatred, which prevents us from seeing the good in others.
- Self-deception. We constantly deceive ourselves, we tell ourselves that everything is fine when in reality it is not. We believe what we tell ourselves, without realizing that there can be a gulf between what we think and reality.
- Cowardice. Being cowardly is a limitation, it prevents us from being who we are. We must be courageous, face ourselves and continue on our path with confidence. We must dare to be as we are.
- The lack of humility. Recognizing your mistakes and always learning from them is essential. Our humility when we have to accept mistakes makes it easier to walk the path towards love for us and for our partner.
- The lack of perseverance. When they tell you that you are crazy or that you don't have to do something, listen to yourself, what your heart says, what you feel. Don't be discouraged, with perseverance you will get everything you want.
- Fear. Fear prevents us from seeing, prevents us from saying and doing what we really want. In love we are afraid of suffering, of being rejected, but love is always a risk and you have to learn from every situation.
And remember, to love someone you must first love yourself, accept yourself, not lie.
The relationship we have with another person is a faithful reflection of the relationship we have with ourselves
To love someone means not to blame, not to judge, not to criticize. To love means wisdom, to understand ignorance and unconsciousness.
“When the eyes are open, the result is sight. When the mind is open, the result is wisdom. When the spirit is open, the result is love "
- Chinese proverb -
