Raise your hand if you've never had a great mental wank! In this article we will look at the 3 worst ones and how to get rid of them.
"Thought is like a knife: you can butter your bread or cut your throat."
I still remember that day at the Feltrinelli in Bologna when I found this little book with the odd title in my hands: How to stop mental jerking off and enjoy life. The author, Giulio Cesare Giacobbe, is a multifaceted personality: philosopher, Renaissance expert, psychotherapist, profound connoisseur of oriental disciplines, but above all a "sui generis" writer. There are those who love and there are those who hate his style, personally I have always appreciated the colloquial, ironic and at times humorous tone with which Giulio Cesare Giacobbe deals with even complex psychological issues. I'd also be lying if I told you that reading his lyrics didn't influence the way I talk about Personal Growth right here on GetPersonalGrowth.
Ok, we made the historical-nostalgic parenthesis, it's time to return to the topic of this article: the infamous mental saws. Perhaps the expression is not the most elegant and I advise against using it in case you were to be invited for tea by Queen Elizabeth II, but it certainly gives the idea. Mental saws are nothing more than those unwanted thoughts that clog our heads and that we would like to get rid of or somehow shut up.
In a recent post we saw how to get rid of worries (a great example of mind sawing) using the famous trouble tree. In today's article I'd like to talk to you about 3 mental saws very widespread and dangerous, but above all I would like to give you some practical ideas to deal with GetPersonalGrowth these unwanted thoughts. Come with me that I am spieco you!
Mental saw # 1: mulling over what you can't control
“If you can solve a problem, don't worry. If you can't solve a problem, don't worry. "
Lao Tzu.
Thinking back to the summer here in Spain, I don't know if it was more the millimeters of water that fell to the ground or the posts on Facebook that talked about it. We devote an almost embarrassing amount of time and mental energy to facts and events about which we have a control little or no: climatic conditions, national and international politics, macroeconomic trends, Paris Hilton's latest haircut. All of these thoughts are a perfect example of the first type of mental wanking I want to tell you about: continually thinking about what we have no control over.
Whenever we focus on these thoughts we are actually giving up our personal power, allowing insecurity to take the helm of our life. To get rid of this category of mental sawing you need to become aware of 3 spheres of control.
The 3 spheres of control
I first learned the concept of spheres of control in the book "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People”By Stephen Covey. In reality the model that I will propose to you is a little different, but the essence of the matter does not change. As shown in the graph below, we can identify 3 spheres of control:
The 3 spheres are therefore:
- The sphere of interest. It collects within it everything you have some interest or concern about, but over which you have zero control, or at least limited control.
- The sphere of influence. It includes everything and everyone you can have a direct impact on, but still can't 100% control.
- The sphere of control. It includes what you have full control over, which is: your decisions and subsequent actions.
All thoughts pertaining to issues outside of your sphere of control and sphere of influence are mental saws. To get rid of it you essentially have to shift your attention from the outer sphere to the innermost one. This is achieved:
- By focusing on your sphere of control. If your mind is focused on elaborating a thousand mental jaws related to climate, economy or politics, it will not have the material time to focus on the only two things that directly impact the quality of your life: the decisions you make and the actions you take. . Eye, here we are not talking about maximum systems, but about the dozens of small choices and activities that characterize your day: the time you wake up, what you eat, the work you do (or that you decide to procrastinate) and so on. . The more attention you dedicate to daily decisions and actions, the less sap you make available to mental saws. Not only. Focusing on what you can control will also help you increase your self-esteem by strengthening your own Locus of Control interno.
- Constantly working on your sphere of influence. Unlike what the various para-gurus tell you, you are not the architect of your destiny, or at least you are not 100%. As we've seen, the only things we really have control over are our decisions and actions - you can't have complete control over your exam grade, that office promotion, your health, your relationships, or your own. finances. Accepting the possibility that despite your best efforts something may go wrong will free you from many unnecessary mental sawing. Acceptance, however, does not correspond to surrender: be proactive, meaning that your decisions and actions continually contribute to increasing the chances of obtaining a certain result within your sphere of influence. Do you want to improve your health? Do you want to make money? Do you want to have fulfilling relationships? Use your sphere of control to continuously work on these goals.
- Ignoring everything else. Ignoring the sphere of interest does not mean being selfish or indifferent to what happens in the world: it is the exact opposite. When we deliberately decide to ignore what we cannot change, we also take responsibility for doing everything in our power to make a positive contribution to society. As we have seen for example in the previous post, you can't do anything to change the dynamics of the global economy, but you can do a lot to change the dynamics of your personal economy, creating something of value for those who follow you.
"Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change what I can and the wisdom to recognize the difference."
R.Niebuhr.
Now let's move on to the second category of mental saws.
Mental saw # 2: brainstorm about what you don't have
You know your ADSL connection that makes you invoke the tutelary deities every time you try to watch a movie in streaming ?! Here, your brain has one too limited bandwidth. This means that you can only focus on a finite amount of information and to do so your conscious mind automatically "deletes" all other information you have decided not to pay attention to. You do not believe me? Try doing this simple concentration test. If you know the trick it's trivial, yet I guarantee you that 8 out of 10 readers, on the first try, are completely blown away.
If our mind works this way, what do you think happens when we clog it with thoughts about what we don't have?
Thinking constantly about what is absent in our life is one of them most dangerous mental saws absolutely, because it deprives us of the pleasure of enjoying what is in our life and for which we should be grateful. However, we can counteract these unwanted thoughts with their own weapons. By deliberately placing our attention on what is already present in our life, what we can be grateful for, we automatically take away from mental sawing. If you want to deepen this issue I recommend this post dedicated to power of gratitude.
We conclude with the last type of mental film.
Mental saw # 3: Rethink the past and worry about the future
"To stop being mentally jerked off, you need to turn your attention to what you are doing, to what is happening, to the world around you."
GC Jacob.
One of the key characteristics of mental saws is that they are anchored either in the past or in the future. If we are totally focused on the present moment, mental saws simply melt like snow in the sun. Yes André, but what should I do in concrete ?!
- Mental sawing about the past is called regrets. When we are dominated by regrets, we do nothing but relive in our heads a wrong choice of the past. To get rid of these painful thoughts, it is critically important to understand the lessons they hold. Regrets have in fact a fundamental psychological function: they serve to remind us not to make the same mistakes. To deal with this specific type of mental sawing we must ask ourselves this question: “what lesson can I draw today from the mistake I made yesterday, so as not to make new ones tomorrow?”. This simple question is structured in such a way as to shift the focus from the past to the present and the future. Try using it and let me know how it goes.
- Mental sawing about the future are called concerns. Already at the beginning of this post I suggested that you address your concerns using the trouble tree. If you are haunted by worries, however, I suggest you create a moment of break by using the Bruce Lee's ploy: take a sheet of paper, make a list of everything that worries you, crumple up the sheet of paper and… set it on fire. Please, be careful! Whether you ever become responsible for a few thousand fires around spain!
In this post we have covered many aspects, but before saying goodbye I would like to share with you a final reflection: I hope that reading the GetPersonalGrowth article has become a good habit for you. But reading is not enough: if you do not put into practice even a small technique of those I suggest, all these words risk being nothing more than ... mental jerking and, as we have seen, we already have enough of them whirling in our heads.
