Last update: October 14, 2016
The real attraction goes beyond the physical and the character, so difficult to define. The authentic magic between two people is written in an emotional reading of hearts that collapse and come into harmony, that understand each other. It is the kind of attraction that you cannot get rid of even by closing your eyes.
It is known that for science it is very complex to isolate variables and establish correlations to better understand love, affection or attraction. However, the most recent study seems to shed some light: the secret of attraction may lie in mutual understanding between two people.
Physical attraction doesn't last; it is intense, empty and fleeting, but the attraction to the mind and the emotional world beating at the same rhythm as our inner music transforms us into the best partners in the dance of love.
"I just want someone who understands me." This is undoubtedly one of the most common phrases we desperately utter when an emotional relationship fails. We do not ask for the impossible: our request is just and logical. Because no love can be authentic if there is no empathy based on the intuition of the needs and the correspondence of affection.
We invite you to reflect on it.
The mystery of attraction between two people
Let's remember the fantastic movie “Something has changed”. There are two completely different people, both in their social status and in their personal interests. Although there is an inexplicable attraction between Melvin and Carol, the character played by Helen Hunt is desperate at the behavior and attitude of the character played by Jack Nicholson.
She is looking for "a normal boyfriend", someone who understands her. Until she, at some point, in the course of an edge situation, she asks him to give her a reason not to leave instantly. It is at that point that Malvin Udall, a writer of romantic novels and suffering from a severe OCD, sincerely reveals to her "You make me a better person".
That's where the real mystery lies. Beyond the physical and that vague definition of inwardness, we all hide emotional needs that are suddenly identified, understood and even resolved. thanks to the proximity to that wonderful being disguised as a normal person.
The real attraction lies in the brain
The more we manage to tune into someone's emotional world to the point of deciphering their feelings, the greater the attraction. This is the conclusion reached by a group of researchers from the University of Lubeck, Germany, and whose study was published the same year in the journal “PNAS”.
Love always means joy, it means needing to give the best of oneself to the loved one. Because love that knows only suffering and blackmail is not a worthy or authentic love.
The most authentic attraction is the one in which, finally, we are able to understand the intentions and emotions of the other and in which we strengthen our personal growth and self-esteem, as if they were the roots of a tree that finds its corner of the world, in a soil full of water and nutrients with which to become big, strong and beautiful.
Of course, finding someone who understands us and who we understand is not easy, but when it happens, our brains enjoy. This is what neuroscientist and director of the study, Silke Anders explains:
- To have a lasting and happy relationship, people are "forced" to continually update and decode emotions and intentions of their partner. Only in this way will they be able to anticipate them and act accordingly. “He looks tired, he sure had a bad day at work. I will prepare a hot bath and a special dinner for him ”.
- If we fail, if our neuronal system fails to decode emotions, a state of stress and dissonance is created in the brain. “Why are you refusing me? Why is he in a bad mood if I did everything to make him feel good? ”.
This helps us understand why starting a relationship with someone who physically attracts us and with whom we have something in common doesn't work well.
People need more intimate harmony, of a point where neuronal vocabularies speak the same language. In which needs are decoded through a wise, intuitive and, above all, courageous emotional reading. A reading capable of giving the most correct answer at any time and not the most convenient one.
We need to be better people and not misunderstood characters hidden under our lonely armor.
Cover image courtesy of Cloudy Thurstag
