Last update: June 03, 2015
Probably, one of the greatest punishments we can inflict on ourselves is to sacrifice the present to defend ourselves from all our fears of the future. When, in reality, the future is a supposition and the present a certainty.
The list that appears in this article was compiled by a nurse who has worked in palliative care for years; this lady's patients had a life expectancy of no more than three months.
She accompanied them during the last days and made them feel as good as possible after learning that the end was near. "At that moment people grow much more than in their entire life", he claims.
The ability of people to grow at a point of no return in their existence should not be underestimated. Many might say that in that state nothing makes sense anymore, but, in reality, in those moments feelings of repentance and gratitude take on more value.
Some of the changes these patients experienced were truly impressive. Each of them had different emotions, from anger to denial, through fear, resignation or acceptance; the latter is what allows you to find peace before leaving.
When the nurse asked them what their regrets were or what they would like them to have distinct from their life, in most cases the responses were common. The most frequent were:
- “Maybe I had the courage to live paying attention to myself, and not to what others expected from me”. This was the most recurring worry. When a person realizes that his earthly existence is coming to an end, it is easier to see the past clearly, look back and see how many dreams are left unfulfilled. It is proven that most people only fulfill half of his wishes and die knowing that he could fulfill the rest if only he treated them seriously and did not give in to what other people considered correct or recommendable.
Learning to live by listening to ourselves is a challenge that we must not abandon: we have to do what we like best, without giving weight to “what others will say”. Everyone has to enjoy life the way they like and not wait until it's too late and then complain. Remember that health offers you a freedom that few know how to recognize until they lose it.
- “I would have liked to work less”. This claim was more common among male patients, who believed they neglected their family and friendships to work more than ten hours a day.
They hadn't witnessed the birth or raising of their children, they weren't there during important moments like birthdays or anniversaries, they always thought about the boss and the problems in the office. Everyone felt nostalgia for youth, for the time when their children were small or for the time when they were newlyweds. As for women, the issue of absence from home did not occur in those days, but those who are close to old age will complain about these things as men do.
Simplify your lifestyle, make precise decisions along the way, understand that money isn't everything (although they make us believe it) will help us not to complain about these things when we are on our deathbed. Being happy with what you have, not wanting too many material things, spending more time with your children, partner, parents or friends, enjoying your days off, not working too many overtime, etc .: all of this is an excellent way to live.
- "If only I had had the courage to express my feelings". How many times are we left with the bitter feeling of not having been able to say what we felt? Many repress this feeling in order to be at peace with others or because they are ashamed. It is proven that many diseases emerge to hold back all the bad thoughts, the reproaches, the unspoken words, etc. In reality, not only negative emotions are stifled, but also positive ones, such as "I love you", "I need you", "I'm sorry".
We cannot control the reaction of our interlocutor when we say something, but what is certain is that in this way we can get rid of a large weight accumulated in our chest. Don't hesitate to talk about both positive and negative things: if you don't, you will regret it.
- “I would have liked to keep in touch with my friends”. Old friendships offer many benefits, but not everyone realizes them until the last moments of life come and they remember them. Now they no longer have problems at work, a full agenda, generic duties and financial worries. It is not always possible to trace friends when the dying ask to meet them to tell them how they feel or just to see each other one last time. Several confessed that it had been a long time (decades) that they had not seen their friends, because they were always too busy for a meeting.
With the current lifestyle, it is easy to find "a free hole" in the diary to go for a glass of wine or a coffee with a childhood friend. Due to the new technology, people no longer schedule meetings, because everything is said through social networks. However, talking face to face with a friend is the best memory one can keep, even beyond life.
Organize your time so that you can see your friends at least once a month and can then chat with them about your lives.
