Written and verified by the psychologist GetPersonalGrowth.
Last update: December 14, 2021
“Those who add and give something to the person I am and who intend to do me good must be part of my life”. This is one of the messages we need to convey when we feel disappointed.
In our relationships, it's not all plain sailing and sometimes the conflicts we have with others hurt and crush us. This aspect is perfectly normal, at least if we then manage to resolve the situation in the right way.
Despite this, sometimes the lack of reciprocity, bad deeds and negativity make us wonder if, perhaps, we should make different decisions and take different paths.
The hard time of separation
Some separations are essential for our personal growth. Despite this, saying goodbye is very difficult and it is even more difficult when, in that goodbye, we have to abandon an important part of our existence.
In this sense, when we let go and make the decision to put an end point, we must first give thanks for everything we have learned and forgotten by continuing to revolve around something that has not done us good. Another way to give a different meaning to separations is to understand that everything, really everything, makes us learn and shows us something that, before, we did not see.
"Life is potentially significant until the last moment, until the last breath, since we can also learn from suffering"
-Viktor Frankl-
When the "NO" of love hurts us
Not being loved causes two serious wounds in us: that of abandonment and that of humiliation. The second is easier to recognize, because it involves bringing suffering out into the open and making our own what we consider a failure, but which actually makes us human.
The fact that a person for whom we tried to collect reasons and create wonderful stories, does not do us good and does not love us, opens deep wounds in our emotions.
This confuses us and then, for a while, we only hear the echo of a frustrating drum roll that we don't know how to put an end to, because we don't understand where it comes from or how to communicate with it.
However much we love ourselves, how much we know each other and how decisive our decisions are, choosing to say goodbye is always excruciatingly painful.
One must always understand when a phase of life comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than necessary, we lose the happiness and meaning of what lies ahead. Close the loops, close the doors, close the chapters - whatever we want to call it.
What matters is to close and leave in the past the moment of life that we have finished.
We cannot live in the present with nostalgia for the past. We can't even ask ourselves why. What has been, has been, and you have to let it go, you have to break away from it. We cannot be eternal children or late adolescents or non-existent office employees or have ties with those who do not want to be tied to us.
The facts pass and you have to let them go!
Paulo Coelho
After a goodbye we are no longer the same
In goodbyes there is always something that breaks us inside, which scratches our happiness, our hopes and our feelings. This part will never be the same again, it will never rebuild and it will never rise again every morning with us.
This makes us feel nostalgia and a deep sadness, it gives rise to fantasies about what could have been and what was not, as well as a profound fear of farewell that pushes us to grasp the impossible.
After all, closing the doors of our life to someone implies pain and in a similar process one suffers. However, these goodbyes are necessary to rediscover ourselves and to reposition our affection and our emotional essence.
People change and the relationships that exist in the world change with them. This happens even if we do our best to make sure it doesn't happen. Nevertheless, saying goodbye to relationships that are not good for us and for which there is no solution, is a real lifesaver.
When we realize that something is not going as it should and that, for no reason, positive feelings shine when we are away, it is important to repeat to ourselves that we have the possibility to choose who we want to have in our life and who, instead, has to get out.
