Last update: December 23, 2016
To change is a verb that we conjugate every day. All human beings, some more or less, experience difficult moments that they want to overcome. Living is not easy, and from the moment we are born to the moment our heart stops beating, we are always exposed to deprivation and loss. There will always be something we desire and cannot achieve. There will always be nostalgia or frustration ready to torture us.
The pain of living in itself is not negative, because it is precisely from it that we find the reasons to grow. Be careful, however, because a malaise can become harmful when it takes on a huge dimension and turns into an obstacle. For example, when we come to blame ourselves for not being "better" or we give up dreams because we feel we cannot afford them.
The discomfort we feel sometimes reflects against ourselves. This is an error of assessment, because it is not always we who have to be blamed. Sometimes we accuse ourselves of failing to achieve that particular goal or of not being that particular type of person.
Everyone thinks about changing the world, but nobody thinks about changing himself
Lev Tolstoy
In reality, it is not a question of changing one's way of being, of being different or of denying who we are. It is about adopting a more intelligent and understanding perspective towards ourselves, in order to be able to make the most of our talents and even our shortcomings.
What needs to change and what not
We can change our way of acting, but not our way of being. We come into the world with a personality, a genetic heritage and a socio-cultural condition that will affect our way of relating to the world for a lifetime.
Personality and character can be corrected, improved, strengthened, but in absolute terms, they cannot be changed. Yet, a kind of "personality market" has established itself, which insists on promoting the belief that there is only ONE way of being, only ONE way of living in a "correct" way.
The belief that there is a right and a less right way to behave ends up becoming a ballast in one's attempt to accept oneself for what it is. It is not better to be outgoing than introverted, nor to be bold than to be cautious, nor to be more rational and less sensitive. It is only a question of different ways of being, which can be more or less adequate depending on the situation in which one finds oneself.
Each of us develops and matures differently. The ability to change is limited to the realm of habits and personality that are not yet sufficiently developed or to attitudes that can cause harm to oneself or others. The essence of who we are, however, is important to remain as it is, since it is precisely it that defines our contours.
Virtues that become defects and vice versa
A person who talks too much may find it difficult to carry out professions that require confidentiality, such as a private detective or an insurance investigator. Conversely, a very private person may not be cut out to be an event promoter or animator. Consequentially, what appears to be an advantage in one area may be a major flaw in another. Neither one nor the other are to be called good or bad - they are simply different. Neither one nor the other must be changed, but only be placed in the most suitable environment for them.
We are convinced that we must always seek polarity or complementarity. This means that in some respects two very similar people will find it difficult to understand each other and work well together. The best teams are those made up of people with complementary, but not equal, characteristics.
Nobody should change for the simple fact of wanting to belong to a group: it is a question of knowing how to organize one's attitudes in order to be able to better immerse oneself in a certain reality.
For example, people full of ideas will get along with people full of organizational skills in order to put them into practice. An impulsive person can be a source of inspiration and motivation for a more calculator, while the latter may have the right characteristics to set a realistic limit to the initiatives dictated by the impulse.
Everyone has the task of learning to see their strengths and recognize them. Don't let anyone make you change your person. If something needs to be changed, it must always be done respecting and maintaining your essence. If something needs to be changed, it is probably the environment you are in: perhaps it is the environment that does not allow you to really be yourself.
