Last update: May 03, 2016
Sometimes we wonder what the purpose of feeling alive and complete is, but we ignore the simplest answer of all: learning to enjoy unconditional love. It's clear that unconditional love is the purest and most incredible love that the universe can give us and that we can work on it to develop it. When we are little, in fact, we begin to try it towards our parents and closest relatives, but when we grow up and become habitual, we forget about it.
“Biologically” speaking, the area in which we are most interested in improving this love is with our partner. When we have a relationship as a couple, love develops in all areas of life and knows no bounds. To cultivate it, all you need is a joyful heart full of desire to improve as a human being who puts part of his essence in the hands of his partner, without any conditions.
US psychiatrist Mark Goulston asked himself this question: what do we need to build unconditional love within a relationship? He has decided to respond with 3 pillars, which we want to share with you today.
"Unconditional love is one of the deepest desires, not only of children, but of all human beings".
-Erich Fromm-
Create common activities
According to Goulston, love is built on the basis of a series of habits that we create unconsciously. When we love our partner unconditionally, we love being with him / her and enjoying the time spent together. That's why an automatic desire arises to share more enjoyable or relaxing activities.
The passage of time or the appearance of new circumstances can make the passion vanish and reduce that love as well which, at first, overflowed with happiness. At the same time, it is as if we begin to discover new defects in our partner and weigh the ones we already knew begin to seem much more unbearable.
These new discoveries do not happen because we are now closer to our partner, quite the opposite. It is the distance and the habits that, little by little, nourish this desperation. For this reason, as you can imagine, regaining closeness and exploring new activities to do together can completely eradicate this dynamic, however anti-intuitive it may seem.
Walking together and trusting each other
If you were asked: What is the first clue that a couple is united? You will probably respond by saying it is the language and bodily behavior between the two. We live and cultivate true love knowing that we are next to our partner. Always showing him that we are there, that we support him along the way.
Walking hand in hand is one of the most special gestures that exist. Holding hands is a simple gesture, but it is a symbol of permanence, contact and union. It represents the physical manifestation of walking together, venturing without losing one of our major points of reference.
It is normal to discuss and exchange ideas on which one does not necessarily have to agree. In fact, if that were the case, we would be dealing with an addiction and we would not be respecting each other. When you find yourself facing a moment of disagreement, don't allow it to escalate into anger. Putting aside grudges and negative attitudes will help you maintain a full and healthy relationship.
Welcoming the good in the other and expressing one's emotions
One of the aspects that distinguishes strong couples from others is that the latter recognize that the sum of the results of all the individual actions performed by both is always less than that of the actions they can do together.. They recognize that their partner makes their life better, that they have a number of hard-to-spot virtues, and that, in one way or another, their personalities complement each other perfectly. These are not thoughts that you keep to yourself, but they share them with your partner in a natural way.
Goulston argues that happy couples "emphasize the positives". In other words, it is as if love mentally cuts their attention in two, so they focus more on the actions of their partner that are good for the couple, rather than those that can be annoying.
It is a division that, to a fair degree, acts as a resistance against negative or catastrophic thoughts in times of crisis. In a way, the fact that love, simply existing, helps them in a natural way to tend towards the positive, makes the "motivation-growth" circle that is created within the couple very difficult to break. In this way, the negative moments do not degenerate, while the positive ones become a real dynamic.
This means that, when we are in love, it is easier for us to understand that the little daily arguments are far below what really matters; that when our partner sets a goal, we will be there to fight with him and that, when he seeks us, we will be there.
"I'm leaving. You go away. But stay in my heart. Forever".
-Luz Gabás-
